frustration

afjhakhghalg;! AHHH!
god! i am reallllllly fcking frustrated. can i just kill myself? ugh.
stupidstupidstupid.
my life sucks, period.
always have, always will.

hope and expectation

BIG SIGH.
i hate feeling like this.. so shitttyy:[ i have homework and i reallly don't wana do it but grades are slipping. aii what is wrong with meee? ajsfafd; UGH.
well anywaysss this mood got me all thinking about buncha stuff. i guess in a way i feel shitty and just down on myself cause i think i have such high hopes and high expectations and those just gets crushed. Having high hope is good but when whatever you hope for doesn't come true it just bites you in the ass and you just get dissappointed. Same goes for expectations. i don't think anyone could live up to my expectations so i might as well just stop.. stop expecting soo much cause it won't do me any good. All these things i hope for.. i don't see the point anymore, my hope for things is slowly dying. i mean i still hope but if gets to the point where everything just doesn't go right.. imma lose my hope. all i want to do now is cry, cry my freaking heart out but that won't help so i'm just keeping it in. i'm tired of crying anyways, it doesn't do any good cept make your eyes all puffy. god! i am so down right now:[ which causes me to think negative and beat myself up over stupid things..
why can't i get what i want?

Sundays

i really don't like sundays. it kills! theres nothing to do and it is so boring! sundays always make me think, my mind wanders which i over think stuff and over analyze also... and i am always lazy so i don't wana do anything and that makes me complain.. aii i need a life man.
i need to write in my blog more.. well it doesn't matter cause no one reads it anyways but its just something to write my day or express my feelings or what is going on in my mind.. so lately this past week, i've been lagging school i don't have the effort to do anything thats related to school anymore.. and thats not good cause i think my grades are slipping and i can't let that happen so hopefully this week i put alot more effort in. i neeeeed good grades!! ugh, school is just not my thing.. the only thing i'm looking forward to right now is SADIES! and my birrrthdayy! thats coming up in exactly THREE weeks. i kinda wana do something, but i don't wana plan anything... i can't wait for sadiesss, i am so excitedd:] haha.
well i got alot to do, bunch of homework to catch up to and study for a test.. i doubt i am gunna study tho, i never do. And i got to clean my room, laundry to do, and idk what else..

Boredom weekend

I don't even know why i created a blogger, i mean like i just don't feel the use to write in it... i don't know maybe i'll write more in the near future. Just right now i don't feel like using blogger much. Well got late start tomorrow and i'm not sure what my homework is.. Anyways this weekend was boring as hell! Stayed home and watched tv like practically the whole day.. god, only if i could go out:/ it sucks not being able to go out, yea i have no life man. i wonder if you can actually die from boredom... hm. well i got to do laundry and i don't know what else to write or i just don't feel like saying anything. all i got to say was my weekend was oh so very boring.
byebye

track

okay so i didn't come back to update x]
today is my cousin Shelly's 14th birthday! man we are all getting old.. i mean i only got one more year of high school left. hm, i'll talk about that later on as i get closer to being a senior. Anyways, i joined track and its my first year in it.. its pretty hard. there were days where i wanted to give up and quit because it was too much for me, but i'm already in it so i decided to just stay and work it out, maybe it will help lose some of that fat i want to get rid of.. i got a tan from track, its a sock tan though, thats ugly. anyways.....
Yesterday was shortened day, didn't feel like it though.. so got out at like 12 something and met up with chris at his car to go to my sweeetttie's house. since he didn't go to school, i wanted to see him. kearny and royce also came along, got to his house and stayed there til 2, cause we gotta go to track practiceee! it looked like it was gunna rain but it only sprinkled. man practice was soooo tiring! had to run all these 300, 200, and something else i forgot.. i was so dizzy when we practiced long jump.. practice ended at 5. oh! we have a track meet this thursday against los altos! i think... well i am nervous! okay i gotta do some homework and gunna try to sleep a lil early tonight, doubt it tho. okay
byes!

Update

hellloo there!
omg i haven't been on here for awhile, i know i was supposed to write in this almost everyday. its just that i haven't been online much.. well so much has happened since i last blogged and its already march! aii well i got to go to my aunts house for dinner, so i'll give a better update later on if i am up to it:] okay

byes!