break down

I cracked today. My head hurts right now and i feel a bit dizzy. ugh today wasn't a good day, i didn't get any of my work done. and to top that off i got in a fight with my dad at kevins house in front of everybody.. like he made some remark and i just like broke down, tears coming fast. I didn't realized i was actually sobbing and couldn't stopped crying. eventually i calmed down but when i got home i started to cry some more. so many people telling me what to do... i don't know which one to take advice from. why can't people understand that i CAN'T talk to parents at all. no matta how i wish i have a close relationship with them and be able to talk to them about almost everything, it wont happen. whatever, i'll just deal with it. go with the damn flow. it is what it is.

clean up

yay, we have a three day weekend! i gotta use the time to finish all my overdue shits:/ I didn't do anything homework today, hopefully tomorrow i get working. Today I went to costco with the family and 99 ranch market. I came home and washed the cars, watched some tv, clean restrooms downstairs, did laundry, and now i just finished cleaning my bathroom.. I still need to clean my room and do more laundry. I was invited to go bowling with angela, kevin, david and bunch of people. I really want to get out of the house. Hopefully i get to go:/
i gotta start being more productive so i can get everything done and not worry about shits. I can't be fucking up anymore! Well i don't want to waste my time blogging and myspacing so i'm gunna go and stay away from my computer. bye!

what to do

what to do what to do what to do....
so many to do, so little time. no, NO time at all. i have really got to get my mind on school. i need to FOCUS! no matter how many times i tell myself that i have to get my act together and start working, i don't do anything to change it. basically i am screwed right now. my grade for english is prolly slipping down and i have a D in chem which i have done nothing to raise it. as for chinese class, i neeed to catch up BAD. only three more weeks of school left and i absolutely cannot think about having fun and start to completely slack off. I still NEED to do work to raise my grades. i know i wont get a 3.0 gpa:[ but hopefully its higher than 2.5. Senior year... omfg. i am so going to put myself in a control box. No slacking off, giving up, procrastinating, being lazy and not giving a fuck. i hate you myspace, twitters, and blogspot. they are major distraction. i need to keep my goals and actually start achieving it.
and i am constantly so tired! tired of everything and life.. i have no energy to do anything which is the cause of my little downfall in school and in life. this is sorta how i feel right now with school..

the more you learn,
the more you know,
the more you know,
the more you forget,
the more you forget,
the less you know
so... why learn

i need to be more of this.

"i am too positive
to be doubtful.
too optimistic
to be fearful.
and too determined
to be defeated. "

Time's passing by..

hello blogspot:) haven't been on here for awhile.. so much happened and so much to tell.
On friday, the day before prom i hung out with my babe at his house, finished watching transformer. Also had a double date dinnner with jeanine and chriss yaoo:] haha that was nice..
SATURDAY promm day! I woke at 9:30ish i think, showered then met with emily at her house. I went to get my eyebrows done, then on to do my hair. i loved my hair but the lady put too much sticky stuff on my bangs and made it look yucky but it was pretty. After that got some taco bell then mall to do makeuo at bare minerals! i loved the makeup except i didn't like that my eyeliner was on too thick but it was all good. i loooked hot! haha JKAY. Finished around 2:30pm and went home to get dressed. Jeanine came over. the guys were supposed to pick us up and my house BUT they weren't ready yet so i decided to just drive to yudha's and wait for them. i got to his house and BABE was sleeping! and it was 4pm! i got him out of bed and hurried him in the shower:] haha. after he, chris, and theo were done dressing up, put on our corsages and took some picturesss. Finally we leave the house and head to cerritos town center to take our studio pictures. there was so many people there, dang had to wait in line. We are picking up our pictures on wednesday. So after pictures were done we head to disneyland hotel, and it was so pretttyy. The dance floor was hella small though. First we had dinner, then prom king, queen, prince, and princess were announced. Next everybody started dancinggg and man was it hot and sweaty out on the dance floor. It went by fast cause next thing you know it prom was over:[ but the night was still young. our group went to get yogurtland and went to my babe's house to watch the ring. i fell asleep but i watched some parts of the movie. It was about 4 in the morning when i got home. wow that is the latest i have ever stayed out. I knocked out and woke up at one in the afternoon haha:] oh gosh it was sunday, meaning school next day:[ Sunday i went out with babe and my sister; we went to micheals then the mall. Dropped babe back at home and went to aunts house for dinner. that was a fast, but great weekend!:)

ahh today wasn't a good day for me, i was not functioning well. I am so forgetful. Well my period came today so had cramps, also i've been not feeling good these past few days so i went to the doctors today after 6th to see what the problem was. My sister went with me, i needed someone to go with me. glad i wasn't alone. OK doctor told me i have bladder infection:/ prescribed medication for me. I better get well sooon cause i hate it. Now i have to do an short essay and read. Plus tomorrow is BFFs birthday!! i am procrastinating on her gift. i don't think i will be sleeping much tonight cause i wanna get this done. alrighty i should go now. i'll blog soon!

Momma.

i think i got a case of bitchassness today. Cause i was bitchy at everyone and like i was just irritated at every little thing. May it be that my period is coming? cause my boobs are hurting.. Most def it is. Hopefully i get it before prom and it'll be done with when prom day comes. OH! its mothers day today! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! i'm sad i didn't really get her anything but then again i never really got her anything before. but me and my sister went to a flower shop and got her a bouquet of red carnations. Mommas face was surprised and she was all smiles when we gave it to her:]] yay! next year for sure i will definitely do something for her cause she deserves it. And i hardly tell her how much i love her and how appreciative i am for her. I don't show her i care for her so much. dang, i'm not that good of a daugher:/ oh well its how it is in the family anyways. Even though i don't do much for her doesn't mean i don't love her. I do love my mother dearly and would be devasted if something were to happen to her and not having her there in my life. i'm grateful to have a mother like mine. My mom cooks for me and provides me with all this wonderful things i have. She's the only working and she is a very hardworker trying to keep the house up and going. Making sure we have food to eat and a house to live in. Sure we argue and contantly bitch at each other, and moments when i'm thinking that my mom is such a bitch and i hate her. it goes away fast and is forgotten. I know me and my mom don't have an open relationship and we aren't best of friends.. i wish we can have that but its hard when we have different beliefs in things and dont agree with some things. My mom is like a old fashioned kind of person and obviously i'm more in this century than she will ever be. Thats okay though. I still love my mom regardless of everything and very appreciative of her cause without her i wouldn't be here. Thank you mom for having me in this world:]

lets shop

Haven't blogged in awhile.. I don't feel like saying much. Welll this week was okayish, bad days and good days. Now i gotta get ready and meet Kelsey at West Co. mall, i miss her we hardly talk anymore. we are shopping for PROM dresss and which is exactly a WEEK away. all i need are shoes, maybe a better dress?, and jewerrrlys. i can't wait!

prom

Soo I am going to prom. My boyfriend asked me last night at my house. It was cuteee:) so now I gotta find a dress and it's not easy. For some reason I don't want to go because it's a hassle getting stuff ready for it but I really do want wanna go for some good memories and fun times. It's in two weeks! I better have found a dress then or I am screwed. So I went shopping at fashion island today and it's a fail. Aii I wished I haven't come so I could have hung out with my babe instead:( I feel crappy.