negative

i'm only hurting myself..

keeping everything inside me and not helping myself to be the best.
i'm still trying and not giving up just yet..
to be able to have that confidence and security.
thats all i want.

happy 19th eric!

happppyyy birthday eric!
my cousin is nineteeen whoa so oldd man. thats crazy, everybaady is getting old and time is passing by soo fast. thats what this week felt like. this week felt like a dream to me cause i hardly remember anything, like i'm in a daze. haha man i am tripping. this weekend was too short:[ i so don't want to go to school tomorrow.

On saturday, i went to the beach for bonfire around four with eric, emily, elizabeth, shelly, ryan, peter, danny and jeff. it was to celebrate eric's birthday.. and kinda cold there, the water was freezing cold well not that cold but it was really cold, haha. we stayed there until 10. I got home at 11, i smelled like burning wood yeah.. i was playing with the fire x] haha hey i was just trying to keep us all warm!
Today, went to grandmas house in paramount to pray and chill with the family. we got bored so my aunts, mom, cousins and me went to cerritos mall. I bought two pair of shorts, hoping to find some shoes but nada. omg that reminds me that on friday when i went to brea mall i found these flats at Aldo and Steve Madden, I LOVE THEM! ah man i wanted to buy them sooo badd but the flats at Aldo cost about 70 dollars:[ yeah i'm waiting til it goes on sale. the one at steve madden was about 50 dollars.. Idk it just seems too much. i really want them but i will wait hopefully they will still have them in stock. Okay back to today... after cerritos went back to grandmas then back home. For dinner, eric invited me to eat at BJs for birthday dinner. Janet, michelle, shelly, elizabeth and ryan was there also.. the dinner was fun, we all talked about our past lol it was funny. gooood talks:] i got home about 10:30 and shit i got to read but i don't think i will cause i am tireddd!

Michelle

oh yeah today was her birthday! she is finallly a teeenager:]

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY!

i hope you had a great day today and my present for you will be late.

Dharma Word.

Do not seek for fame and fortune; live your life according to circumstances. How long can the illusory body last? Why worry about trifle matters?

i went to the temple in hacienda heights on saturday and i always go get the red balls which has a blue paper inside. its like a fortune teller thing. so what you do is you gotta put in a dollar, get a ball from the container and pray. Pray/wish for something and the answer will be in that red ball. the last time i went before saturday i got..

Sadness, happiness, separation and togetherness are so tiresome; who knows when we can be free? If we can understand our self-nature; turning around from here is not too late.

i don't really understand what it means. i know it has to do with my wants and how i am feeling.

Nicholas Lao

okay i lied, i felt like blogging so here i am.
Today i hung out with nicky like alll day! haha that lil boogerbutt:] Nicky is my 3-year old cousin and i absolutely adore him. After i went out to eat pho with the guests, and family and going to the temple in hacienda which was nice, so comforting.. I came home to find nick at my house, playing Wii of course. he loves playing that and always wants to come to my house just to play it. I was about to head out to go to tiffany's house but before going to her house i had to drop michelle off at the mall with nicky. Since michelle and my aunt were gunna watch a movie, my aunt asked me if i could take nicky along with me so they won't have to waste a ticket.. i said sure so i took him along to tiffs house. omg he was so shy, it was cute though. We stayed there for about 2 hours and during that time there all nicky wanted to do was go back to my house to play wii. After we left tiff's, i met up with my uncle at banana bay to eat. when we were waiting for our food nicky was playing bowling on my iphone, ahha it was so cute watching him play. that boy always have to win, he doesn't like to be a sore loser,lol. After dinner, went to cefiore real quick and then to emilys house. He didn't want to go to Emilys, he was telling me pleaseee can we just go to your house to play wii?! I felt bad that hes been asking to play wii all day and i didn't take him to go play but eric came to emilys house to take nick to his house to play Wii. That baby is obsessed with Wii! i'm serious but dang, he is gooood. A pro at Wii
ah i love nicky<33

the end

of spring break! omg its 1:20 and i am still awake.. i can't sleep for some reason, i got so much on my mind. i'm overthinking it, sigh* school in two days:[ i need to be productive and get my english stuff done and needa raise my chemistry grade. Anyways my spring break was... okay.

MONDAY
Woke up pretty early, well like 9:30ish. Parents weren't home, so i went out after dropping sis off at the mall. Met up with emily at her house and planned on going to Glendale, since it was just us two we didn't wana drive all the way there without a guy so we called up Peter and asked if he wanted to go. Yay, he just got out of class so met up with him at his house and took his car. Before heading out to Glendale, we got some In n out first. We were also supposed to go to LA and Burbank, Hollywood and Melrose... but we left Rowland around 2ish and thought we didn't have to time to go to all the places we wanted to so decided to just go to glendale and americana. We got to glendale and shopped around.. emily was looking for prom dresses. she found one at BCBG or BGBC oh gosh i don't remember the store name.. i came home EMPTY-HANDED. oh so sad.. we had to come home early anyways cause emily and my parents thought we were at brea mall.. ahaha. It was a fun day:]

TUESDAY
had track practice at 9 to 11. omg it was so TIRING, i almost died! After practice, went out with family to chinatown but stopped at Rosemead first cause parents had to run some errands. there was alot of errand so i went to sleep and woke up when we finally got to chinatown. Dad dropped me and michelle off at this plaza so we can get our haircut. oh gosh, my haircut was HORRIBLE:[ i hate it, my bangs is horrid. my bangs will now be put up for a long time until it grows out. i didn't want to get my haircut at CHINATOWN but my parents wouldn't let me go somewhere else.. after we were done, parents picked us up and we went back to rosemead again to do one last errand and then back home to put all the stuff my parents bought away. then went out to eat at black angus, we couldn't finish our food so took the leftovers home. When we got home i dyed my hair, and was texting my babe. he was at the park cold and hungry so i got the leftovers from black angus and took it to him. He finished it but still wanted more food so went to yoshinoya, got a beef bowl and took him home. Wished i couldve hung out with him longer but i had to get home.

WEDNESDAY
My birthday! i had practice:[ but it was easy practice, warmed up and practice jumping into sand pit with different methods.. after practice i went home and showered and had nothing to do until 6.. So i just went with daddy to get our bottles recycled, we had ALOT. we went to recycle center at albertsons and waited for like 15 to 20 mins for lady in front to get her shit done but thenn the recycle guy was like oh we are closing, so we were like okay we'll use the machine but no it was closing too! i was kinda pissed cause they made us wait for so long and the freakking machine was supposed to close at 8! and they closed it like 4 hours early. so then we went to the other one at la habra, oh thank god it was open! yay so recycled and got about 15 dolllars, dad let me keep it:] i got more $$ now. hahaha. we went back home and i got ready to go out to dinner at BJs i had planned with all my friendss. Boyfriend said he couldn't make it so i was kinda sad.. i drove there and met up with everybody, we went inside still waiting for some people and then i SEE my boyfriend and i got happy! i so thought he wasn't coming but yeah that made my day:] It was fun to be there with all my cousins and friends, boyfriend<3.>

THURSDAY
i had practice again but i missed it cause i had slept in.. hope i don't get in trouble. i would slept all day but my sister kept waking me up to take her to the park-__- and i had to run an errand for mom also. so no point in trying to going back to sleep. i mostly stayed home and cleaned. My great uncle and great aunt from thailand came to visit so i couldn't go anywhere.. yeah it was a boring day.

FRIDAY
Woke up and got ready to go to dimsum and then Universal Studiosss! went with aunt, sister and great uncle, aunt. Ive been to universal sooo many times that it wasn't all that exciting. We got there around 1:30? i think and left at 6:30ish to go to Hollywood, i was hoping to go shopping but we didn't have time. We had to meet up with aunts friends at this thai restaurant called Palms. After that went back home.. there was traffic and i fell asleep, man was i tired. Got home around .. i have no idea; went up to my room and chatted with dad and sis for awhile. Myspaced and now here i am blogging.

wow, this is one long blog but i doubt i will be blogging anytime soon again so yah:] well saturday, going to the temple in hacienda and hopefully after that i can go over to Tiff's house. Okay i gotta go sleep now! byebye

birthday.

yay..i'm 17! one more year and then i am an adult! time goes by so fast, i am so not ready.. man, wished i planned something to do today but then again, people are busy or can't go out. yeah thats alright, its just me and daddy at home. i am hella bored, nothing to do. i hope i have a great time tonight, even though i am not looking forward to it.. i'm going to BJs in brea at 6pm with friends to celebrate.
my spring is break boring and not any fun, then again i never had a good spring break anyways.. just thought it might be different this time. hope fails again.

"i know it's easier said than done, but acceptance starts with looking at yourself in the mirror and just saying, Okay, I don't have muscles on top of muscles. Fine! All right. I don't have long, flowing blonde hair. Cool. Once you learn to be cool with who you are, you won't care what anyone else thinks"

Realization

Yesterday was a bad day for me, like it was very gloomy. But i learned things about me i didn't know and i realized many things that i have been trying to avoid or just in denial. Like lately it seemed yudha and me haven't been.. our relationship wasn't okay. I know i have issues but i just didn't want it to be real, didn't want to face it. it seemed better to run away from my problems and just put it away. the way i was and not wanting to change was affecting our relationship. i was pushing him away and not letting him in. Not opening up and talking it out won't do any good to have a good/strong relationship. I came to terms that the way i was being is that my guard was up and i didn't want to put it down because i am afraid. Afraid of being happy and in love. My cousin helped me open my eyes and gave me good advice. I mean i gone through this same problems many time but this time it sunked it and i reallly listened. I got a good life lesson yesterday and also realized that there are people who cares about me. i have really good friends:]<3 and i'm happy. I'm sorry boyfriend for not listening to you and not understanding what you are trying to say. i love you for still staying with me and dealing with all this. i'm hoping to change.. for my own good, for me to be better.
i'm blessed with good friends, family and my boyfriend.
thank you and i couldn't ask for more.

no idea

i just don't know anymore...
all these thinking is getting to me and making me crazy.
i don't know whats going on
i don't know what to do with my life
i don't know what is up with me
i don't know if things will get any good


i'm lost...

Sadies

Cute



















Cuter


















Cutest:]






























I didn't take much pictures...
Well it was fun:] dang it was hot and i was sweaty. After sadies i wanted to go out but i couldn't:[ thats okay though cause i was really tired, i got home and knocked out, haha.
i don't feel like blogging tonight. Maybe tomorrow or couple days i will.

well anyways

today was track meet at west covina, our first league meet! sadly we lost:[ that's okay we got three more and i PR my triple jump!! yay, 25 feet and 3 1/2 inches. i knoow its not good but it was my first time making it and i had troubles getting it right. man i was so happy but that died down fast cause no one really seemed to care. oh well:/ i know theres practice tomorrow but hoping its short so i can have some energy for sadies. there is a track meet this saturday at APU, i don't know if i am going or not. i'm kinda hoping i'm not but a lil bit wanting to go. well we'll see because this saturday i gotta go to rose hills, to see my grandpa. i really want to go, we only go like once a year.. thats why i'm hoping i am not going to the meet. also i might get a haircut this weekend at chinatown. even though i hate to get my haircut there, the only choice i got. they better not mess up hair and satisfy.
all right, i gotta go shower now and do my homework!

there's something that i can't get off my mind...
do i push people away?

so..

tomorooww is sadies!
and me, angela dont know what to plan for pre-sadies... it sucks in rowland:/ nothing fun to do and nowhere to go. gah! well i'm excited! hopefully tomorrow will be a goood day cause this week sucked so far.. i'm having doubts and i am realllly confused, i have no idea what is going on... i wish everything will go back to normal and get better :[
ohmygod! afjafjagkd;gksdk; ugh.. i need somebody to just listen to me, someone i can vent to.. all this feeling, thought, emotions i'm keeping in is breaking me down! and it is not good cause i want to change and be more postive but all negatives. i'm sucha dissappointment:[ i want to be happy please can't i be happy?! maybe i'm the one that makes my life this way when i can make it to be a good life..
SOMEBODY! my sister, boyfriend, family, best friend, friends... just hear me out, you don't need to talk or say anything. i need to vent, get it out.