Since

tumblr is not working for me, i'm back here and boy do i got alot to say..
what a hectic time.. it's pretty late right now so i will be back to blog. i needa get things off my chest..

Yudha Adiputera

hey babe!
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!

you're LEGAL baby! haha
have a greattttt birthday.
may allll your wish come true
i love you♥

wtf tumblr?

so fucking tumblr won't let me sign in and i wanted to blog. BS. whatevers, i guess i am back here for now until i can get my tumblr to work... Anyways, senior is soooo stresssful, i did not know it would be this worse... but it'll be all over quick! I gotta start on my college apps, which i am really lagging it, good thing i have one more month but i better not do it last minute or i will seriously go kill myself. haha jkay but yah i am in denial. okay its like one am now, which is my new bedtime now:[ makes me soooo tired and i gotta start finishing up hw early so i can sleep.
i think i will try to blog more now so until next time<3

switch

okay tumblr got to me. so i am switching to that. i think it is much better and nicer so go read my blogs there!

maxinee.tumblr.com

MIA

okay so i've been MIA in blogspot. i haven't posted in so long is because i was out of the country the last month and after i got back i was just too lazy/ tired to go on it.
anyways. school started! i'm a freakin SENIOR its crazy how high school flys by so fast.. I have six classes: 1.anatomy 2.college algebra 3.economics 4.art 5.english 6. psychology
its only the second day and its already boring. Coming back to school wasn't as exciting as it was freshman year.. Well i am going to make the best of my senior year and get some good memories of last year at rowland. :[ i miss the '09 class.

okay, i got to make this short cause i have to head to bed soon. oh god gotta wake up at 6 >:[ grr..
bye for now.

Love, Maxine

birthday color.

My birthday color is silver and here's what it has to say about it:

"You are imaginative and have a strong sense of intuition. Although you tend to be shy, you are very interested in learning and trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You are bright and you learn things easily. You often fall in love with "hard to get" people. Your love life can seem confusing and challenging, but you will find true and lasting love one day."


wow.. that's kinda true. Like its how i am. Hmm.. interesting

is it here?

Why doesn't it feel like summer at all? Maybe the weather.. its been weird. one day its hot and the next its cold like wtf?! i need some sun! Anyways, got one week of summer school done with, second week starting, and three more weeks until its over! Well, i leave on vacay in two weeks! AH, i am so excited and looking forward to it. Maybe i should start packing for it.. This friday is angela's birthday and my date with my sweetie<33 oh how i am going to miss him so much when he leaves next week. Saturday, maybe raging waters? Sunday one month party for Joshua, I miss him! Yeah.. my weeekend next week will be prettty busyy.

oh yea, today is fathers day. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD! i love youuu<3 you are truly the best dad ever. I got my daddy a picture frame with me and my sister and him when we were little. Its cute, i hope he liked it..

oh, it's summer time

So, summer just started.. it isn't great but not bad. Graduation was last week and that was a good day, all the seniors are gone.. I thought i would be all sad and crying a little but nothing. I was just happy for them that they graduated and wish them well in college or whatever they are doing. For me, i got one more year and it is already hitting me that i will be finally done with highschool. I can't explain what i am feeling but like i don't want to leave high school just yet.. but at the same time i want to be done with it. i don't know.. i hope senior year will be fun and memorable.
Okay so then after graduation was over, i went out with yudha's family and royce to eat dinner at this japanese shabushabu restaurant. I don't remember what i did the day after graduation, probably stayed home.. Saturday, preparing food and stuffs for party on sunday. A party for nicky's 4th birthday and my cousin, Emily and Kevin's graduation. Sunday comes, head to the park where the party was held. It turned out pretty good considering the problems we had the day before. everybody had a good time i hope. after the park went to emilys house for lakers final game, THEY WON! yeahhhh son:] Lol. Summer school starts, it went well but boring! Its only been three days of school.. feels so long and i have 4 more weeks to go :[
Yesterday was fun, my parents brought me and michelle to the Grove for Lauren Conrad's book signing. We waited in line for so long but i was patient. After michelle and i met her, went to find my parents and head to Woodranch to eat. Oh! the appetizer bread was goood. As we were going back to our car, we saw Lauren again. She was done with the book signing and was leaving. I got pushed by a papparazzi. Wow! It was a crazy day:]
Well thats how my summers been lately and i can't wait until i go on vacation in like three weeks. I will be going to Hongkong, japan, Cambodia, Thailand and China. I am sooo stoked!

-Maxine

seniors

Friday was their last day! man i am sad they are all leaving:[ I met some pretty cool seniors and gotten to know a few of them. Now its my turn to be seniors and i can't wait. Friday was prolly the last day, no on Thursday that will be the last day i will ever see some of the seniors ever again. Everybody is growing up and going to the real world. It is just starting to dawn on me that life goes by pretty fast so for senior year, imma try to enjoy it as much as i can. Live every moment like no other day. I know i will probably still keep in touch with some seniors but its not the same and i hope to not drift away from them. My best friend, she's graduating but i know we will always be best friends and still talk and hang out. I will miss talking to her everyday though, our 6th period memories. I don't like thinking about the future, it scares me so i will blog later. Its getting emotional.

Love, Maxine

Joshua Ea

I went to Hoag hospital today which is at Newport Beach to visit my aunt, uncle and their baby boy, Joshua. he is soooo CUTE!:] he has alot hair, no eyebrows haha well you can barely see them, got daddys eyes and mommas nose. I took pictures of him on my phone. I can't wait until he comes home from hospital and i wanna babysit him:] haha i just love babies, they are ah-dorable! Josh was so little, so tiny. he is 7 pounds and i think 9 inches? i don't remember and idk if that is right. Anyways i can't wait for the next time i get to see him.

Decision

I think i know what i need to do in order for me to be better and happier. Many decisions have been made but seeing as who i am i will probably change my mind. Like i can't seem to stick with my decisions and my decisions are not bad, its good for me. It will just be heartbreaking to me but it has to be done:[ I don't know, i really don't want to make this one particular special decision. I guess it needs to be made because nothing is the same between us anymore. I don't really know yet.. i'm still thinking and just waiting it out to see how things get. I don't want to give up this just yet.

Congratulations!

To my Uncle Harry and Aunt Amber, for the birth of their baby boy! Yay, I'm happy we have a new addition to our family and i can't wait to go see my new baby cousin! We needed a baby in May but sadly no:[ i guess nicky has to share June with baby Joshua, i believe he was given that name.
Well i just wanted to say Congrats to my uncle and aunt. Their first baby!

break down

I cracked today. My head hurts right now and i feel a bit dizzy. ugh today wasn't a good day, i didn't get any of my work done. and to top that off i got in a fight with my dad at kevins house in front of everybody.. like he made some remark and i just like broke down, tears coming fast. I didn't realized i was actually sobbing and couldn't stopped crying. eventually i calmed down but when i got home i started to cry some more. so many people telling me what to do... i don't know which one to take advice from. why can't people understand that i CAN'T talk to parents at all. no matta how i wish i have a close relationship with them and be able to talk to them about almost everything, it wont happen. whatever, i'll just deal with it. go with the damn flow. it is what it is.

clean up

yay, we have a three day weekend! i gotta use the time to finish all my overdue shits:/ I didn't do anything homework today, hopefully tomorrow i get working. Today I went to costco with the family and 99 ranch market. I came home and washed the cars, watched some tv, clean restrooms downstairs, did laundry, and now i just finished cleaning my bathroom.. I still need to clean my room and do more laundry. I was invited to go bowling with angela, kevin, david and bunch of people. I really want to get out of the house. Hopefully i get to go:/
i gotta start being more productive so i can get everything done and not worry about shits. I can't be fucking up anymore! Well i don't want to waste my time blogging and myspacing so i'm gunna go and stay away from my computer. bye!

what to do

what to do what to do what to do....
so many to do, so little time. no, NO time at all. i have really got to get my mind on school. i need to FOCUS! no matter how many times i tell myself that i have to get my act together and start working, i don't do anything to change it. basically i am screwed right now. my grade for english is prolly slipping down and i have a D in chem which i have done nothing to raise it. as for chinese class, i neeed to catch up BAD. only three more weeks of school left and i absolutely cannot think about having fun and start to completely slack off. I still NEED to do work to raise my grades. i know i wont get a 3.0 gpa:[ but hopefully its higher than 2.5. Senior year... omfg. i am so going to put myself in a control box. No slacking off, giving up, procrastinating, being lazy and not giving a fuck. i hate you myspace, twitters, and blogspot. they are major distraction. i need to keep my goals and actually start achieving it.
and i am constantly so tired! tired of everything and life.. i have no energy to do anything which is the cause of my little downfall in school and in life. this is sorta how i feel right now with school..

the more you learn,
the more you know,
the more you know,
the more you forget,
the more you forget,
the less you know
so... why learn

i need to be more of this.

"i am too positive
to be doubtful.
too optimistic
to be fearful.
and too determined
to be defeated. "

Time's passing by..

hello blogspot:) haven't been on here for awhile.. so much happened and so much to tell.
On friday, the day before prom i hung out with my babe at his house, finished watching transformer. Also had a double date dinnner with jeanine and chriss yaoo:] haha that was nice..
SATURDAY promm day! I woke at 9:30ish i think, showered then met with emily at her house. I went to get my eyebrows done, then on to do my hair. i loved my hair but the lady put too much sticky stuff on my bangs and made it look yucky but it was pretty. After that got some taco bell then mall to do makeuo at bare minerals! i loved the makeup except i didn't like that my eyeliner was on too thick but it was all good. i loooked hot! haha JKAY. Finished around 2:30pm and went home to get dressed. Jeanine came over. the guys were supposed to pick us up and my house BUT they weren't ready yet so i decided to just drive to yudha's and wait for them. i got to his house and BABE was sleeping! and it was 4pm! i got him out of bed and hurried him in the shower:] haha. after he, chris, and theo were done dressing up, put on our corsages and took some picturesss. Finally we leave the house and head to cerritos town center to take our studio pictures. there was so many people there, dang had to wait in line. We are picking up our pictures on wednesday. So after pictures were done we head to disneyland hotel, and it was so pretttyy. The dance floor was hella small though. First we had dinner, then prom king, queen, prince, and princess were announced. Next everybody started dancinggg and man was it hot and sweaty out on the dance floor. It went by fast cause next thing you know it prom was over:[ but the night was still young. our group went to get yogurtland and went to my babe's house to watch the ring. i fell asleep but i watched some parts of the movie. It was about 4 in the morning when i got home. wow that is the latest i have ever stayed out. I knocked out and woke up at one in the afternoon haha:] oh gosh it was sunday, meaning school next day:[ Sunday i went out with babe and my sister; we went to micheals then the mall. Dropped babe back at home and went to aunts house for dinner. that was a fast, but great weekend!:)

ahh today wasn't a good day for me, i was not functioning well. I am so forgetful. Well my period came today so had cramps, also i've been not feeling good these past few days so i went to the doctors today after 6th to see what the problem was. My sister went with me, i needed someone to go with me. glad i wasn't alone. OK doctor told me i have bladder infection:/ prescribed medication for me. I better get well sooon cause i hate it. Now i have to do an short essay and read. Plus tomorrow is BFFs birthday!! i am procrastinating on her gift. i don't think i will be sleeping much tonight cause i wanna get this done. alrighty i should go now. i'll blog soon!

Momma.

i think i got a case of bitchassness today. Cause i was bitchy at everyone and like i was just irritated at every little thing. May it be that my period is coming? cause my boobs are hurting.. Most def it is. Hopefully i get it before prom and it'll be done with when prom day comes. OH! its mothers day today! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! i'm sad i didn't really get her anything but then again i never really got her anything before. but me and my sister went to a flower shop and got her a bouquet of red carnations. Mommas face was surprised and she was all smiles when we gave it to her:]] yay! next year for sure i will definitely do something for her cause she deserves it. And i hardly tell her how much i love her and how appreciative i am for her. I don't show her i care for her so much. dang, i'm not that good of a daugher:/ oh well its how it is in the family anyways. Even though i don't do much for her doesn't mean i don't love her. I do love my mother dearly and would be devasted if something were to happen to her and not having her there in my life. i'm grateful to have a mother like mine. My mom cooks for me and provides me with all this wonderful things i have. She's the only working and she is a very hardworker trying to keep the house up and going. Making sure we have food to eat and a house to live in. Sure we argue and contantly bitch at each other, and moments when i'm thinking that my mom is such a bitch and i hate her. it goes away fast and is forgotten. I know me and my mom don't have an open relationship and we aren't best of friends.. i wish we can have that but its hard when we have different beliefs in things and dont agree with some things. My mom is like a old fashioned kind of person and obviously i'm more in this century than she will ever be. Thats okay though. I still love my mom regardless of everything and very appreciative of her cause without her i wouldn't be here. Thank you mom for having me in this world:]

lets shop

Haven't blogged in awhile.. I don't feel like saying much. Welll this week was okayish, bad days and good days. Now i gotta get ready and meet Kelsey at West Co. mall, i miss her we hardly talk anymore. we are shopping for PROM dresss and which is exactly a WEEK away. all i need are shoes, maybe a better dress?, and jewerrrlys. i can't wait!

prom

Soo I am going to prom. My boyfriend asked me last night at my house. It was cuteee:) so now I gotta find a dress and it's not easy. For some reason I don't want to go because it's a hassle getting stuff ready for it but I really do want wanna go for some good memories and fun times. It's in two weeks! I better have found a dress then or I am screwed. So I went shopping at fashion island today and it's a fail. Aii I wished I haven't come so I could have hung out with my babe instead:( I feel crappy.

negative

i'm only hurting myself..

keeping everything inside me and not helping myself to be the best.
i'm still trying and not giving up just yet..
to be able to have that confidence and security.
thats all i want.

happy 19th eric!

happppyyy birthday eric!
my cousin is nineteeen whoa so oldd man. thats crazy, everybaady is getting old and time is passing by soo fast. thats what this week felt like. this week felt like a dream to me cause i hardly remember anything, like i'm in a daze. haha man i am tripping. this weekend was too short:[ i so don't want to go to school tomorrow.

On saturday, i went to the beach for bonfire around four with eric, emily, elizabeth, shelly, ryan, peter, danny and jeff. it was to celebrate eric's birthday.. and kinda cold there, the water was freezing cold well not that cold but it was really cold, haha. we stayed there until 10. I got home at 11, i smelled like burning wood yeah.. i was playing with the fire x] haha hey i was just trying to keep us all warm!
Today, went to grandmas house in paramount to pray and chill with the family. we got bored so my aunts, mom, cousins and me went to cerritos mall. I bought two pair of shorts, hoping to find some shoes but nada. omg that reminds me that on friday when i went to brea mall i found these flats at Aldo and Steve Madden, I LOVE THEM! ah man i wanted to buy them sooo badd but the flats at Aldo cost about 70 dollars:[ yeah i'm waiting til it goes on sale. the one at steve madden was about 50 dollars.. Idk it just seems too much. i really want them but i will wait hopefully they will still have them in stock. Okay back to today... after cerritos went back to grandmas then back home. For dinner, eric invited me to eat at BJs for birthday dinner. Janet, michelle, shelly, elizabeth and ryan was there also.. the dinner was fun, we all talked about our past lol it was funny. gooood talks:] i got home about 10:30 and shit i got to read but i don't think i will cause i am tireddd!

Michelle

oh yeah today was her birthday! she is finallly a teeenager:]

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY!

i hope you had a great day today and my present for you will be late.

Dharma Word.

Do not seek for fame and fortune; live your life according to circumstances. How long can the illusory body last? Why worry about trifle matters?

i went to the temple in hacienda heights on saturday and i always go get the red balls which has a blue paper inside. its like a fortune teller thing. so what you do is you gotta put in a dollar, get a ball from the container and pray. Pray/wish for something and the answer will be in that red ball. the last time i went before saturday i got..

Sadness, happiness, separation and togetherness are so tiresome; who knows when we can be free? If we can understand our self-nature; turning around from here is not too late.

i don't really understand what it means. i know it has to do with my wants and how i am feeling.

Nicholas Lao

okay i lied, i felt like blogging so here i am.
Today i hung out with nicky like alll day! haha that lil boogerbutt:] Nicky is my 3-year old cousin and i absolutely adore him. After i went out to eat pho with the guests, and family and going to the temple in hacienda which was nice, so comforting.. I came home to find nick at my house, playing Wii of course. he loves playing that and always wants to come to my house just to play it. I was about to head out to go to tiffany's house but before going to her house i had to drop michelle off at the mall with nicky. Since michelle and my aunt were gunna watch a movie, my aunt asked me if i could take nicky along with me so they won't have to waste a ticket.. i said sure so i took him along to tiffs house. omg he was so shy, it was cute though. We stayed there for about 2 hours and during that time there all nicky wanted to do was go back to my house to play wii. After we left tiff's, i met up with my uncle at banana bay to eat. when we were waiting for our food nicky was playing bowling on my iphone, ahha it was so cute watching him play. that boy always have to win, he doesn't like to be a sore loser,lol. After dinner, went to cefiore real quick and then to emilys house. He didn't want to go to Emilys, he was telling me pleaseee can we just go to your house to play wii?! I felt bad that hes been asking to play wii all day and i didn't take him to go play but eric came to emilys house to take nick to his house to play Wii. That baby is obsessed with Wii! i'm serious but dang, he is gooood. A pro at Wii
ah i love nicky<33

the end

of spring break! omg its 1:20 and i am still awake.. i can't sleep for some reason, i got so much on my mind. i'm overthinking it, sigh* school in two days:[ i need to be productive and get my english stuff done and needa raise my chemistry grade. Anyways my spring break was... okay.

MONDAY
Woke up pretty early, well like 9:30ish. Parents weren't home, so i went out after dropping sis off at the mall. Met up with emily at her house and planned on going to Glendale, since it was just us two we didn't wana drive all the way there without a guy so we called up Peter and asked if he wanted to go. Yay, he just got out of class so met up with him at his house and took his car. Before heading out to Glendale, we got some In n out first. We were also supposed to go to LA and Burbank, Hollywood and Melrose... but we left Rowland around 2ish and thought we didn't have to time to go to all the places we wanted to so decided to just go to glendale and americana. We got to glendale and shopped around.. emily was looking for prom dresses. she found one at BCBG or BGBC oh gosh i don't remember the store name.. i came home EMPTY-HANDED. oh so sad.. we had to come home early anyways cause emily and my parents thought we were at brea mall.. ahaha. It was a fun day:]

TUESDAY
had track practice at 9 to 11. omg it was so TIRING, i almost died! After practice, went out with family to chinatown but stopped at Rosemead first cause parents had to run some errands. there was alot of errand so i went to sleep and woke up when we finally got to chinatown. Dad dropped me and michelle off at this plaza so we can get our haircut. oh gosh, my haircut was HORRIBLE:[ i hate it, my bangs is horrid. my bangs will now be put up for a long time until it grows out. i didn't want to get my haircut at CHINATOWN but my parents wouldn't let me go somewhere else.. after we were done, parents picked us up and we went back to rosemead again to do one last errand and then back home to put all the stuff my parents bought away. then went out to eat at black angus, we couldn't finish our food so took the leftovers home. When we got home i dyed my hair, and was texting my babe. he was at the park cold and hungry so i got the leftovers from black angus and took it to him. He finished it but still wanted more food so went to yoshinoya, got a beef bowl and took him home. Wished i couldve hung out with him longer but i had to get home.

WEDNESDAY
My birthday! i had practice:[ but it was easy practice, warmed up and practice jumping into sand pit with different methods.. after practice i went home and showered and had nothing to do until 6.. So i just went with daddy to get our bottles recycled, we had ALOT. we went to recycle center at albertsons and waited for like 15 to 20 mins for lady in front to get her shit done but thenn the recycle guy was like oh we are closing, so we were like okay we'll use the machine but no it was closing too! i was kinda pissed cause they made us wait for so long and the freakking machine was supposed to close at 8! and they closed it like 4 hours early. so then we went to the other one at la habra, oh thank god it was open! yay so recycled and got about 15 dolllars, dad let me keep it:] i got more $$ now. hahaha. we went back home and i got ready to go out to dinner at BJs i had planned with all my friendss. Boyfriend said he couldn't make it so i was kinda sad.. i drove there and met up with everybody, we went inside still waiting for some people and then i SEE my boyfriend and i got happy! i so thought he wasn't coming but yeah that made my day:] It was fun to be there with all my cousins and friends, boyfriend<3.>

THURSDAY
i had practice again but i missed it cause i had slept in.. hope i don't get in trouble. i would slept all day but my sister kept waking me up to take her to the park-__- and i had to run an errand for mom also. so no point in trying to going back to sleep. i mostly stayed home and cleaned. My great uncle and great aunt from thailand came to visit so i couldn't go anywhere.. yeah it was a boring day.

FRIDAY
Woke up and got ready to go to dimsum and then Universal Studiosss! went with aunt, sister and great uncle, aunt. Ive been to universal sooo many times that it wasn't all that exciting. We got there around 1:30? i think and left at 6:30ish to go to Hollywood, i was hoping to go shopping but we didn't have time. We had to meet up with aunts friends at this thai restaurant called Palms. After that went back home.. there was traffic and i fell asleep, man was i tired. Got home around .. i have no idea; went up to my room and chatted with dad and sis for awhile. Myspaced and now here i am blogging.

wow, this is one long blog but i doubt i will be blogging anytime soon again so yah:] well saturday, going to the temple in hacienda and hopefully after that i can go over to Tiff's house. Okay i gotta go sleep now! byebye

birthday.

yay..i'm 17! one more year and then i am an adult! time goes by so fast, i am so not ready.. man, wished i planned something to do today but then again, people are busy or can't go out. yeah thats alright, its just me and daddy at home. i am hella bored, nothing to do. i hope i have a great time tonight, even though i am not looking forward to it.. i'm going to BJs in brea at 6pm with friends to celebrate.
my spring is break boring and not any fun, then again i never had a good spring break anyways.. just thought it might be different this time. hope fails again.

"i know it's easier said than done, but acceptance starts with looking at yourself in the mirror and just saying, Okay, I don't have muscles on top of muscles. Fine! All right. I don't have long, flowing blonde hair. Cool. Once you learn to be cool with who you are, you won't care what anyone else thinks"

Realization

Yesterday was a bad day for me, like it was very gloomy. But i learned things about me i didn't know and i realized many things that i have been trying to avoid or just in denial. Like lately it seemed yudha and me haven't been.. our relationship wasn't okay. I know i have issues but i just didn't want it to be real, didn't want to face it. it seemed better to run away from my problems and just put it away. the way i was and not wanting to change was affecting our relationship. i was pushing him away and not letting him in. Not opening up and talking it out won't do any good to have a good/strong relationship. I came to terms that the way i was being is that my guard was up and i didn't want to put it down because i am afraid. Afraid of being happy and in love. My cousin helped me open my eyes and gave me good advice. I mean i gone through this same problems many time but this time it sunked it and i reallly listened. I got a good life lesson yesterday and also realized that there are people who cares about me. i have really good friends:]<3 and i'm happy. I'm sorry boyfriend for not listening to you and not understanding what you are trying to say. i love you for still staying with me and dealing with all this. i'm hoping to change.. for my own good, for me to be better.
i'm blessed with good friends, family and my boyfriend.
thank you and i couldn't ask for more.

no idea

i just don't know anymore...
all these thinking is getting to me and making me crazy.
i don't know whats going on
i don't know what to do with my life
i don't know what is up with me
i don't know if things will get any good


i'm lost...

Sadies

Cute



















Cuter


















Cutest:]






























I didn't take much pictures...
Well it was fun:] dang it was hot and i was sweaty. After sadies i wanted to go out but i couldn't:[ thats okay though cause i was really tired, i got home and knocked out, haha.
i don't feel like blogging tonight. Maybe tomorrow or couple days i will.

well anyways

today was track meet at west covina, our first league meet! sadly we lost:[ that's okay we got three more and i PR my triple jump!! yay, 25 feet and 3 1/2 inches. i knoow its not good but it was my first time making it and i had troubles getting it right. man i was so happy but that died down fast cause no one really seemed to care. oh well:/ i know theres practice tomorrow but hoping its short so i can have some energy for sadies. there is a track meet this saturday at APU, i don't know if i am going or not. i'm kinda hoping i'm not but a lil bit wanting to go. well we'll see because this saturday i gotta go to rose hills, to see my grandpa. i really want to go, we only go like once a year.. thats why i'm hoping i am not going to the meet. also i might get a haircut this weekend at chinatown. even though i hate to get my haircut there, the only choice i got. they better not mess up hair and satisfy.
all right, i gotta go shower now and do my homework!

there's something that i can't get off my mind...
do i push people away?

so..

tomorooww is sadies!
and me, angela dont know what to plan for pre-sadies... it sucks in rowland:/ nothing fun to do and nowhere to go. gah! well i'm excited! hopefully tomorrow will be a goood day cause this week sucked so far.. i'm having doubts and i am realllly confused, i have no idea what is going on... i wish everything will go back to normal and get better :[
ohmygod! afjafjagkd;gksdk; ugh.. i need somebody to just listen to me, someone i can vent to.. all this feeling, thought, emotions i'm keeping in is breaking me down! and it is not good cause i want to change and be more postive but all negatives. i'm sucha dissappointment:[ i want to be happy please can't i be happy?! maybe i'm the one that makes my life this way when i can make it to be a good life..
SOMEBODY! my sister, boyfriend, family, best friend, friends... just hear me out, you don't need to talk or say anything. i need to vent, get it out.

frustration

afjhakhghalg;! AHHH!
god! i am reallllllly fcking frustrated. can i just kill myself? ugh.
stupidstupidstupid.
my life sucks, period.
always have, always will.

hope and expectation

BIG SIGH.
i hate feeling like this.. so shitttyy:[ i have homework and i reallly don't wana do it but grades are slipping. aii what is wrong with meee? ajsfafd; UGH.
well anywaysss this mood got me all thinking about buncha stuff. i guess in a way i feel shitty and just down on myself cause i think i have such high hopes and high expectations and those just gets crushed. Having high hope is good but when whatever you hope for doesn't come true it just bites you in the ass and you just get dissappointed. Same goes for expectations. i don't think anyone could live up to my expectations so i might as well just stop.. stop expecting soo much cause it won't do me any good. All these things i hope for.. i don't see the point anymore, my hope for things is slowly dying. i mean i still hope but if gets to the point where everything just doesn't go right.. imma lose my hope. all i want to do now is cry, cry my freaking heart out but that won't help so i'm just keeping it in. i'm tired of crying anyways, it doesn't do any good cept make your eyes all puffy. god! i am so down right now:[ which causes me to think negative and beat myself up over stupid things..
why can't i get what i want?

Sundays

i really don't like sundays. it kills! theres nothing to do and it is so boring! sundays always make me think, my mind wanders which i over think stuff and over analyze also... and i am always lazy so i don't wana do anything and that makes me complain.. aii i need a life man.
i need to write in my blog more.. well it doesn't matter cause no one reads it anyways but its just something to write my day or express my feelings or what is going on in my mind.. so lately this past week, i've been lagging school i don't have the effort to do anything thats related to school anymore.. and thats not good cause i think my grades are slipping and i can't let that happen so hopefully this week i put alot more effort in. i neeeeed good grades!! ugh, school is just not my thing.. the only thing i'm looking forward to right now is SADIES! and my birrrthdayy! thats coming up in exactly THREE weeks. i kinda wana do something, but i don't wana plan anything... i can't wait for sadiesss, i am so excitedd:] haha.
well i got alot to do, bunch of homework to catch up to and study for a test.. i doubt i am gunna study tho, i never do. And i got to clean my room, laundry to do, and idk what else..

Boredom weekend

I don't even know why i created a blogger, i mean like i just don't feel the use to write in it... i don't know maybe i'll write more in the near future. Just right now i don't feel like using blogger much. Well got late start tomorrow and i'm not sure what my homework is.. Anyways this weekend was boring as hell! Stayed home and watched tv like practically the whole day.. god, only if i could go out:/ it sucks not being able to go out, yea i have no life man. i wonder if you can actually die from boredom... hm. well i got to do laundry and i don't know what else to write or i just don't feel like saying anything. all i got to say was my weekend was oh so very boring.
byebye

track

okay so i didn't come back to update x]
today is my cousin Shelly's 14th birthday! man we are all getting old.. i mean i only got one more year of high school left. hm, i'll talk about that later on as i get closer to being a senior. Anyways, i joined track and its my first year in it.. its pretty hard. there were days where i wanted to give up and quit because it was too much for me, but i'm already in it so i decided to just stay and work it out, maybe it will help lose some of that fat i want to get rid of.. i got a tan from track, its a sock tan though, thats ugly. anyways.....
Yesterday was shortened day, didn't feel like it though.. so got out at like 12 something and met up with chris at his car to go to my sweeetttie's house. since he didn't go to school, i wanted to see him. kearny and royce also came along, got to his house and stayed there til 2, cause we gotta go to track practiceee! it looked like it was gunna rain but it only sprinkled. man practice was soooo tiring! had to run all these 300, 200, and something else i forgot.. i was so dizzy when we practiced long jump.. practice ended at 5. oh! we have a track meet this thursday against los altos! i think... well i am nervous! okay i gotta do some homework and gunna try to sleep a lil early tonight, doubt it tho. okay
byes!

Update

hellloo there!
omg i haven't been on here for awhile, i know i was supposed to write in this almost everyday. its just that i haven't been online much.. well so much has happened since i last blogged and its already march! aii well i got to go to my aunts house for dinner, so i'll give a better update later on if i am up to it:] okay

byes!

my day

today was a pretty okay day. i got to school like around 8ish, and went to get breakfast. angela and kevin was with me and kevin got a text from richmond saying he got locked out of his car and needed kevin to pick him up at mcdonalds. lol that is funny, apparently kevin g. was getting something from the trunk and once he closed the trunk he realized the keys were still inside and it was locked. so angela and me decided to go with kevin to pick them up, making us late for 2nd period but we didn't care. 2nd period was boring, doing nothing cept taking down notes so i played tetris on royce's calulator. i think imma do that everyday now if we don't do anything. third period was the usual. we got our test back tho.. i got 53 out of 70, which is a 75 percent, not bad but i could have gotten a B-! grrr.. Fourth period, i ate and ate:] haha. i always eat in that class. while i was eating, hiett explained about the research paper we have to.. ugh i am really not looking forward to doing that.. 5th period, there was a test! and i don't think i did that good.. cause i didn't study:/ well just hope i did decent on it. Then it was lunchtime, hung out with my bpyfriend as usual and watched the BSU dance and all.. 6th period now, which is chinese and as usual i do nothing in that class.. well i eat and talk to cindy, oh dear she and i can talk and talk and talk forever, haha. i did do some work... 7th period is basketball and we had a home game against Walnut. yeaa we lost by like 7 points i think, it was better than the last time we played them which was by like 30 points. yes that is a big difference. also it was the last game, seasons over! Aimee's mom is the BEST! she gave the team towels with our name on it, that is so cool and then after the game, she came into the team room and handed out a valentine card thing.it was so nice of her.
well anyways the game was pretty good, i got a steal and was gunna go make a layup but i didn't:[ AHH! i should of taken it to the basket buttt nooo i stopped. stupid move ugh! oh well gotta forget about that and move on. after the game, watched the frosh girls team played while waiting for kevin to pick me up.
that was basically how my day was.. kinda. yea so i gotta finish hw and get ready for bed.
okay goodnight!

byes!

First Time

okay this is all new to me so its gunna take me some time to get used to all this and learn how to use this. it seems pretty easy. well i hardly doubt i will use this blogger much but i will try. i am making a blogger because i think it will help me with some things, figure things out maybe since i keep everything all bottled up inside me. i guess this blogger will kind of be my therapist:] i am pretty closed off person and trying to be more open. this is all i have to write right now and i gotta START on my hw, ugh i'm so lazy. i'm pretty sure i have more to write later on cause i got a lot of things running thru my mind.

byes!